I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
