How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize