I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
