They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
