you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
