omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
