8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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