in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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