your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
