no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
