i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pants are for mortals
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
