I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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