I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
