I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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