fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
