Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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