oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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