it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
