I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
