Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
