it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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