i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
