I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
