I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
