i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
