This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
