nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
