WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
