I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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