i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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