walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
