dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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