Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
