Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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