I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
