You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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