burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
