Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
