why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
