I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
