I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
