If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
