Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
