today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
