Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
