omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
