i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So. Much. Porn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
