It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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