What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
