I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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