Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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