You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
