Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
