My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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