see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
