You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
