Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
