we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
