Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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