omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Come see our sink grown plant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
