Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
