after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
