Barsexuality is the new black.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
