So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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