I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
