I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
