Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Less talking, more tequila
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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