As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize