Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
